M.I.A.

First off, I KNOW!

I've been putting this off for a few weeks now. Call it denial, call it dissociation, call it just plain old fear.

Today I woke up pretty depressed, so I pulled the covers over my head and didn't come out until 11:45am. Once I did, something clicked. I felt better. To be honest, today is the best I've felt since I parked that big Budget truck in front of this house on Monday night September 21st.

I now live in the DC Metro area in a huge 1st floor apartment in a house (practically the size of 3 of my Manhattan apartments). Let's start with the move:

Jevon and Sarah are pretty much saints. I'm not very good at asking people for help, but at the last minute realized there was NO way in hell I could actually do this alone. I called on them because they are 2 of the most non-judgmental people that I've ever known. Those kind of people that really you could do anything and they'd still find some sort of way to make everything better. Sarah came from all the way out from BFE New Jersey to be at my house at 8:30am. We went to pick up the moving truck and get everything loaded up. Lots of garbage bags were involved.


After tears and packing and loading, we said our goodbyes and I was off to begin a new chapter of my life. Getting out of the city in a 24' truck is a BEAST. But after I got out of the tunnel it was pretty much smooth sailing the rest of the way.

I haven't been eating much for weeks now. Maybe stress, anxiety, depression. This is all sudden and challenging. I'm praying I'm not sued for the 2 months notice I was supposed to give according to my lease, but I figured if I get out and they can rent the place, all the better for them. If they do, they can't draw blood from a stone, all I can do is the best I can and hope for a break.

I didn't tell many people of my moving date. In a way I feel bad about that now that I'm here, but I just couldn't face the fact that I was actually leaving the best city in the WORLD. I miss everything about it already, and as I'm typing this I'm starting to cry. I can't even bring myself to vocalize the things I miss yet. I guess after a little adjustment period I'll be able to do just that.

Don't get me wrong, things aren't all bad and I'm not drowning in my sorrows. But this is MY BLOG and I have the right to grieve over my perceived loss for a little while.

I've been here 1 week now and have had some fruitful meetings with 4 recruiters and done all my testing and now waiting for interviews which I was assured are coming. After a few misses (and an unfortunate 2 1/2 mile walk in heels) I've now figured out how to get the bus to the Metro and get into DC. I have been walking about 2-3 miles (on purpose) almost every day. I've also been saving a mint on food since there is like NO delivery to be found out here.

The man and I are also doing well. It's going to take a while for us to get acclimated but we're doing pretty well so far. Last weekend was a flop, but we're going to make up for it this weekend by some sightseeing. We're deciding on Great Falls or perhaps visiting some wineries in the area.

It's nice to have someone supportive and kind that you know has your back. It's like having someone you want to do well for and it gives you a little more purpose than being completely on your own. Since I'm an only child I've always tried to please my parents (and probably not done too well at that). There hasn't been many times I've wanted to do well for someone else. Of course, I've always striven to take control of my own happiness, but there's a certain satisfaction in knowing someone else is proud of you. I find myself wanting to do and be better. I have a really strong desire to get back to school. Once I'm in a stable job I intend to begin immediately.

I'm in a really shi**y position right this second, but I DO feel myself ready to pull out of it and move forward with a better life.

*Cool thing about having a boyfriend #32. It encourages you to keep everything clean and organized. So now I come home to a sparkling house AND a man.