Scaredy Cat

I never really fancied myself a scaredy cat.  But upon examination, I find I do actually live quite a portion of my life in fear.  Those silent, unspoken fears that you never quite want to admit to anyone, but when you crawl into bed at night, they haunt you.

Fear of being alone, fear of commitment, fear of staying in this job, fear of leaving this job, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of losing my parents, fear of losing Chhaya...

All of these things are generally kept at bay, but sometimes they creep in and like a rabid infection, spread quickly if not stopped quickly.

Lately my fear is based mostly on career.  Perhaps it is a fear of failure, but one can never succeed if one never tries.  So failure is really a form of success.  Being passive is probably the highest form of failure, really.

On my way to pick up the rental car for this weekend, I opened up my Kindle and began reading The Prosperous Coach, and I was a bit surprised to find that there were many instances addressing some of these fears.  Some of the great quotes I found inspiring were:

“Do it badly; do it slowly; do it fearfully; do it any way you have to, but do it.”
" True independence is about living a CREATED LIFE."
" Stop trying to live under the Failure Zone. Your mission is to embrace failure—not fear it. Actually, who cares if you fear failure—embrace it anyway."

On another note, I'm heading to Glasgow Lands tomorrow. This will be a great day after the nightmare week I had at work.  Although, I had a lovely time at the British Societies Summer Garden Party on Wednesday.  Met some interesting folks. Just wish there were more networking events such as this to get me better acquainted with more people in power.

On that note, I really should pack my bag, since I have to wake up at 6:30am tomorrow! 

Something Clicked!

So this has, somehow, been a weekend of epiphanies.  I (think) I finally made some actual decisions. 

The weekend actually began smashingly due to getting an alert about a drop in price on Hotwire for car rentals next weekend.  I had planned to go to Glasgow Lands Highland Games and Festival next weekend, but prices were outrageous!  I'd settled in on the fact that I'd miss another Highland Games.  Since my boss comes back this week and there is a board meeting on Friday, I know my week is going to be pure hell.  Now I have something exciting to look forward to if I make it through the week in one piece!

For instance, after MONTHS of indecisiveness about a new laptop, I bought a MacBook Pro today.  I've had my old, trusty Dell for 8 years!  The sound card is blown, so I can't watch Netflix from it, or take a class, should I finally decide what sort of classes to take, and on Friday the joint of the screen to the keyboard split in half.  Truth be told, my dad actually got me to walk out the door and commit to the purchase.  I had initially called him because I was pretty sure he'd talk me out of it, or into buying something less expensive.  But no! He surprised me and told me to get off the phone, walk up the street and "buy the damned thing, already!".

My second decision of the weekend involved an (almost) decision of finally committing to making the commitment to becoming an accredited coach.  I'm speaking to someone tomorrow about the actual game plan and courses, but I've toyed with this idea for numerous years.  I've really always wanted to do this, and perhaps this is the time to get my ass moving and do something about it.  I'm so tired of getting great ideas, then proceeding to talk myself out of them little by little.  I'm constantly convincing myself the plan won't work, or I can't afford it, or the plethora of other excuses.

No more! I've told just 3 people about this decision and each one of them told me they think I'd be super successful and great at coaching.  So, that's that!  I'm ready to get going on this.  No better time than the present to get started on being happy!